Archive for the ‘Advice’ Category
So you have been dating someone for a couple of months. Overall, you’ve had a good time and discovered a few things in common; but the more you know about this person, the less you like. Even worse, this person is REALLY into you and starts throwing hints that they want something more serious. How do you let them off easy?
1) Ignore them. Start being busy all the time, whether it’s with work, family, or the college that you’ve suddenly enrolled in. As you become less available, the other party should get the hint and stop pursuing. Unfortunately, this is the option that usually happens. We care enough about the person to not want to hurt their feelings, so we slowly start pushing them away…hoping they will catch the hint. This method is very effective and works most of the time. Unless the person is very needy or completely clueless, people tend to move on when ignored; but you will fail at the goal of not hurting their feelings. Ignoring someone leaves them wondering why and what if. Also, the person could become vengeful and start wreaking havoc in your life. In this age of social media, it’s very easy to discover someone’s circle of friends, co-workers and family – which could lead to some embarrassing results.
2) Be direct. Tell them exactly why you don’t want to waste anymore of your time. Well I guess this is a little better since it’s the truth, but it doesn’t speak to well about your character. Like ignoring them, this method has a higher probability of the undesirable consequences such tires being slashed or rumors being spread.
3) Be direct, yet tactful. I’ll usually say something like this: “We’ve been getting to know each other and have had fun, but as time passes; the more I think that a romantic relationship is not going to work…” Now at this point, it’s likely the other person is going to ask “why”. I don’t go into specifics, if you give details then you are opening the floor for discussion and they will have an explanation for every reason you give. So this is what I say when the question of why is asked, “I’m not going to sit here and belittle you. I don’t think you are a bad person or that something is wrong with you. However, I can say that we aren’t right for each other. I know this is probably hurtful to hear, but I care about and respect you enough to tell the truth; than to have you wonder why I stop spending time with you.”
The truth is, there really isn’t a nice way to tell someone that you don’t want them. Especially when the other person REALLY likes you and up until this point everything has been going great. Hopefully they will be mature enough make a clean break. Yes, their feelings will still be hurt a little but it’s better for them to hurt now than to be strung along for x amount of time. I try to treat people as I want to be treated and I’d rather hurt less now than hurt more later.
So do you agree/disagree? Maybe you can add a few other option? Drop a comment and let me know!!!
This past Sunday, I went to church (#shoutout Ray of Hope) and the graduates of 2010 were announced and honored. It brought back memories of my high school graduation. After the ceremony was over; most of my classmates were crying and hugging each other. My thoughts were “Why are these people crying? You sat in a classroom for 12 years, big deal. Get me out this BIATCH; it’s time for life to begin!!!” +Continue Reading
How do you know when you have found that one person that is perfect for you?
(This is written in response to someone’s facebook status. I just thought it would be a great topic to share with others.)
First, you have to define what perfect is to you. What qualities must a person possess, and in what quantity makes them perfect in your eyes? Then, look at your standards in this pursuit of perfection. Too low? Too high? This is when we start talking non-negotiable qualities, or the things you cannot do without in a “perfect person”. Sometimes I think we don’t truly know we’ve found a perfect person until they’re long gone. We come to a certain point in our growth and say “Damn, (insert name here) had everything I was looking for”.
Some people put too much thought into knowing if someone is the perfect person. I think it’s detrimental to sit and consider all the reasons why someone is “perfect”. Are you trying to convince yourself or what? Sometimes we just MAKE a person perfect for the sake of not being lonely (insert high divorce rates and baby mama/daddy drama here). You really have to just let it be and let things flow one day at a time. People show their true colors after time, and some people are perfect for a certain time in our lives. A person may be perfect for you in your 20s, but they’re not at all meant to be with you in your 30s.
But seriously, how do you know?: Trial and Error. Traditionally, that was the purpose of dating- to find the right one. I don’t think there’s a standard sign to know that you’ve found the perfect person. You just have to trust your feelings and be willing to accept things for what they really are and not what you want them to be. I think you can start your “perfect person candidate” analysis by looking at the work you put in, what you get out, and knowing if the means justifies the end. Look at different aspects of your friendship/relationship to see if things as a whole are mutual, and communicate with the other party. You can’t make them the one if they only want to be the homieloverfriend (I’m just sayin…). If you love this person, and the feelings are mutual, then I think that’s perfect enough. There are no worries as long as you are TRULY happy because in the end, it’s your world. Just chill out, enjoy life and don’t worry about whether they’re perfect or not- time will surely tell.
(Warning: This is a lengthy post, but with good reason)
Imagine this, your 20 years old, and you find out one of your friends has passed away. Devastating, right? Now imagine a week later that HIV complications is the cause of death. Now, imagine 2 months later you get a phone call from a good friend telling you he just found out he was HIV positive, scary. Then later that week you find out that your significant other has just found out they were positive. Sounds like a melodramatic book doesn’t it? Well, this is a very true story. Its my story, I lived it, and I am reminded of it all the time.
So, as many of you may or may not know June is “HIV Testing Month”. I know a few of my followers on twitter may remember I flooded their time lines last December for “World AIDS Day” and I know this is a subject that has been drummed into the brains of society for years, but yet something just isn’t clicking. I know through my friends, that HIV doesn’t care. Plain and simple. It doesn’t give a damn about what your doing with your life, how many times you have had unprotected sex, or whether your straight, gay, top, bottom. HIV is REAL. +Continue Reading
Is there ever a time in a relationship when you just want to say enough is enough? As people how much are we actually willing to take from the ones that we love? While in a relationship we tend to try and avoid that boiling point that our lovers can sometimes push us towards. Many of us learn to suppress our true emotions and never realize that holding it all in can cause major damage and stress to ourselves. There is a time where we have to learn to finally take a stand and let our loved ones know that what is on going right now is not okay.
It’s never healthy to have our feelings go unsaid and to never express what is truly on our minds. The key solution is always communication when letting our loved ones know how we feel about their certain actions. However we must also be careful when expressing our feelings to the ones that we care about. No one likes to be dictated nor do they want to be constantly told that what they are doing is wrong. You do have to come up with a way that not only lets you express what you want to say but also you have to be able to do it in a way where you are not made out to look like the bad guy.
We as people can only tolerate so much from one another but we must never let that toleration reach a point where it becomes unbearable for us. Letting our true feelings out and really saying what is on our minds can only benefit the relationship in the long run. How are we ever suppose to let our partners know what our real feelings are about the things they may do that we might not necessarily agree with? It’s time to step up to the plate before it becomes the last straw. However in the end I’m just saying…
I really hope you didn’t think this was gonna be a fashion post. I’m talking about the less fun, less attractive, less expensive labels.You know, the other type of labels. Freak, slut, punk, whore, nerd, lame, fool, homo, lesbo, crazy… blah, blah, blah. Let me start by saying, I don’t believe in labels. If you ask me, labels are nothing but tools to try to maintain some semblance of normalcy in an abnormal world. I mean without labels, how do we determine which group of people we’re not supposed to like? How would people decide who or what is socially right or wrong?
True story, when I was away at school, I was in Wal-Mart, a young caucasian male felt that I was being a ni**er. I say he felt I was being a ni**er because he didn’t think twice about letting the word slip from his lips. I didn’t even respond, even though I wanted to act a fool, I remembered the old saying, “Its not what your called, its what you answer to.” Had I told him how I really felt, I would have been acknowledging his ignorance, therefore making me look equally as ignorant. Here’s a little secret I learned, “What other people think of you is none of your damn business.”
Now I know this doesn’t apply to anyone reading this, because we are all cool individuals, with diverse backgrounds, hobbies, and interests, and we don’t really give a f*ck what anyone thinks about us, right? So this is mainly for those who haven’t shook the mindset that you “have to be this way because you do this”, or “your from this place so people expect you to be this way.”
If you’re a 6’5 400 pound man, but you like doing the Single Ladies routine, then by damn it, you get your dance on! Its time to let the old way of thinking go, do whatever makes you happy, do you, be you, and stop letting the world tell you what to do and be.
Until next time,
K.A.
(Don’t worry, I’ll be talking about when doing you goes wrong…and I’ll have PICTURES!!!!)
What up folks!!! This is my first foray into blogging so please be gentle. My first blog(s) will be a series on a subject that is near and dear to my heart – college degrees. I graduated in ’05 with a BS in Management Information Systems (MIS) from the University of Alabama – Huntsville. It was a great experience and I don’t have many regrets. However, once I landed my first job as a temp-Computer Operator at Brandsmart USA, it was clear that the perspective of the job market from inside the hallowed halls of Academia is wrong.
Before I go any further, a few ground rules should be established.
- I work in the Information Technology industry so my advice and observations would be most beneficial to those who have similar career aspirations.
- I’m positive that you will be able to find an exception to every observation I discuss; these are generalizations, not laws. However I encourage you to comment and share your opinions.
- The focus of this article is getting that FIRST job. Unless you went to an Ivy League university or a college that is very popular locally, most employers don’t give a damn where you got the degree.
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